REMINDER: Passing On Alcohol Is NOT A Reflection Of Being ‘Weird’
Sober-Curious in a Boozy World
I love the feeling of a good buzz. It’s an escape like none other. Suddenly everything feels easy, fun, free. Total bliss. A lovely fleeting moment.
What had me begin to really analyze my use of alcohol was the nightmare of side effects I was suffering from starting in my late 20s.
Anxiety, panic attacks, days of lingering hangover and depression. Irritability and moodiness.
Loss of motivation.
Hating Saturday and Sunday mornings.
Routinely recovering from self-induced illness.
Puffiness and bloating.
Headaches.
Ailments so uncomfortable I convinced myself I would steer clear of alcohol forever. Yet, just a few days of feeling fully recovered, I’d find myself indulging in that next wine spritzer.
Drinking had become my temporary escape.
Yet leave me sick, anxious and depressed.
The desire to cut back on alcohol was nothing new- it popped up in my head almost weekly. However, drinking was a staple activity in my life mostly because it was woven into my identity and how I related and interacted with others.
It’s what I did with my family. With my friends. With my partner.
To celebrate a victory, to mourn or console, to gather, dance, be care-free, pair with food, reduce social awkwardness, feel romantic, live out a picture- moment…
The one thing I’ve learned from many years of alcohol and my body is it brings more problems than solutions.
In fact, I’ve never solved an actual problem with alcohol.
It never brought me closer to another human, in a deep meaningful way.
It never made me a better mother, friend or daughter.
It never cured my depression or anxiety, or unhappiness in a relationship, or lack of direction in life, or existential questions of humanity…
It simply- in that moment- dulled my senses and thinking to a point of toxic splendor- a false sense of reality while pulling away any of my personal power.
I’d lose control of my words, say or do things that weren’t exactly what I meant, be misinterpreted, and literally handicap my own brain and body.
The sensation of intoxication feels fantastic, losing control and warping into a lower state of consciousness hands you a free ticket to goofiness, laughter, and irresponsibility that is no doubt entertaining and releasing.
But as I mentioned, alcohol never solved any of my problems. Ever.
It always added to them.
A Fear of Not Fitting In
The most difficult part about breaking up with alcohol wasn’t my physiological dependency. It was my fears of the impact it would have on my relationships.
I didn’t want to be “the weird one”. I didn’t want people to raise their eyebrows, or question if I was a raging alcoholic, or suddenly extremely religious.
I just wanted to feel healthy, and not suffer anymore.
I wanted to belong.
I wanted to be part of a tribe- a family, friends, partnerships.
Taking a stance on no longer drinking no doubt had an impact on my relationships.
But it allowed me to rectify myself.
My problems were worth solving (and I’m so glad I faced all the scary, uncomfortable situations I did).
All of my relationships changed, although I wouldn’t say in a bad way. In fact, the relationships that survived have become more real than ever. I live and love more fully and truly because I am able to more deeply experience life.
Going Against the Norms (feels so damn good)
It’s gifted me a consciousness that I was unable to arrive at in my weekly cycles of drinking . I spent so much of my focus keeping busy, then escaping with alcohol, then being ill and recovering. I couldn’t even see the life I was missing.
My mind has expanded to a place where I appreciate fully so much more of the world, and live in a deeper state of peace and reduced stress because of it.
Sure I still lose my cool, and need an escape. But my escapes have nothing to do with the Liquor Store. It has a lot more to do with long walks in the woods, breathing, meditating, or taking action to fix a problem in a healthy way.
I’ve taken an intuitive approach to evaluating my relationship with alcohol. On occasion I still chose to drink alcohol (usually at a wedding)- however it’s no longer my lifestyle. I’ve rewired how I approach my life, my free time, my social interactions, and true self-care.
I’m no longer in a relationship with alcohol. I don’t need to call on it routinely, I don’t need it as a buffer to talk with my friend, I don’t need it to relax after a tough day.
I’ve found that this is the way I want to live. Not so much with what others do, or what is socially acceptable, but with what is best for me mentally, physically and spiritually. Finding my own true voice that advocates for my personal wellbeing, and truly tuning into what feels good feels so damn good! I’ve overcome my own social anxieties and can finally live free of that silly false crutch!
I feel healthy and vibrant, much more so than I ever had with alcohol. I also feel very proud to demonstrate this lifestyle to my 2 daughters as they grow. I want them to see that alcohol isn’t what will make you happy, fulfill your needs, or help you relax. Moms don’t need wine to raise kids (although I get it… parenting is STRESSFUL)!
But there are healthy ways to cope and live, so that you don’t end up with ailments like me, or feeling dependent on a substance that keeps you stuck.
If you’ve ever felt the urge to explore making a shift with your drinking, I encourage you to do it in a way that makes sense for you. We are the true experts in our own lives. Not your friend, co-worker or partner. It’s you. As long as you are honoring your truth, and living in alignment with your values, you will make the right decisions. Even if it feels difficult.
Check out these 4 tips to help you stay on track with creating healthier habits. If you’re ready to explore making life changes for yourself feel free to connect with me on a clarity call!
If you suspect that you are alcohol-dependent or know you need help, I highly recommend contacting your healthcare provider, or click here : https://alcoholtreatment.niaaa.nih.gov/