How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Everyone Plays the Comparison Game
When was the last time you compared yourself to someone else’s success? A friend, a co-worker, the overflowing content of social media? Catching a glimpse of that home, career, family, body, paycheck...
Even as a trained professional, I too catch myself in the comparison game: the impossibly organized mother of 4; the married traveling vlogger couple; the friend and her 1M followers; the foodie whose dishes are so freshly inventive.
(I know better than to torture myself this way - but regardless of how bright we may be, subconsciously we still do it!)
This type of upward comparing may have you feeling jealous, resentful, annoyed, and probably embarrassed to admit any of these feelings (don’t worry, its normal). You’ve also probably found yourself thinking “it’s not fair…”
You’re right. It’s NOT fair.
You’re NEVER playing fair when you compare yourself to someone else.
Every human on this planet is unique. Even if you share many similarities with someone it’s still apples and oranges… and all the other fruit.
Yet, it’s in our nature. According to Social Comparison Theory we compare ourselves to help identify and learn who we are and where we stand.
While comparison may be linked to some primal survival mechanism, it’s become a big problem for mental and emotional wellness in the modern era. Today, we’re bombarded with constant comparing thanks to tech and social media. Desiring to keep up with the Jones’ has proven to be detrimental to well-being. Studies have found sizing ourselves up to those we perceive as “better off” fuel jealousy, envy and lower self-esteem. It can generate unrealistic standards and a sense of inevitable failure. Comparing ourselves to others also promotes judgmental, biased, and overly competitive attitudes.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
You’re Your Only Worthy Opponent
I was listening to a TED talk by Dean Furness who was paralyzed after an accident in his adulthood. He had to learn to stop comparing himself to anyone else (even an earlier version of himself) and only focus on his personal progress. His goal was to do as well as-or a bit better than- the day before. He developed a baseline, tracked his progress, and stayed focused on himself. Eventually, Dean began racing in wheelchair marathons- and owed it all to his shift in mindset.
If we look outward to gauge our progress, we’re using inaccurate methods of measurement that generate unnecessary frustration and discouragement. Our journey is our own- we have the opportunity to direct it with our own personal power but it will not be like anyone else’s.
So how can you compare less to others, and focus more on you?
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others & Feel Happier
Here are 6 ways to help you escape the trap of the comparison game, feel more confident and happier in life:
1) Practice Awareness
We most often compare ourselves to others without realizing it. It’s a natural act and done without consciousness. So, the solution is to become conscious! Bring these thoughts to the forefront of your mind as they occur by being on the lookout for them. If you focus on these thoughts, it gets easier with practice, and soon will be hard not to notice them.
2) Celebrate Others
Celebrate the success of others without jealousy or self- doubt. High tide floats all ships. Catch yourself in envy and notice that it’s a response to someone winning at something you also value. Be enthusiastic about their wins and know that supporting another’s success will never dampen your own. In fact, you open the connection between yourself and success as you continue to focus and support it!
3) Practice Gratitude
Be grateful for the good in your life, and resist any negative chatter in your mind saying “it’s not enough”. A better focus is on what you are blessed with. Notice and highlight your natural strengths, skills, experiences and be grateful for all of it. Focus on all you have, and you’ll always experience abundance.
4) Develop Contentment
No one is perfect — intellectually, we all know this, but emotionally we seem to feel bad when we don’t achieve perfection. Yes, continue to work to improve yourself, but accept your humanness. In fact, your imperfections are what make you who you are, embrace and celebrate that!
“Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself.”
5) You Are Your Only Competition
We’re all on a journey to find something, become something, learn, create. Your journey has nothing to do with how well others are doing, or what they have. It has to do with what you want to do, and where you want to go. That’s all you need to worry about. If you need to compare yourself with anyone, compare yourself with you. What can you do to improve your quality of life? How can you become a better person?
6) Take a Social Media Break
One of the most refreshing parts of my social media break this summer was the surprising boost in my self-confidence. Shutting down my newsfeed allowed me to minimize the time I spent subconsciously comparing myself to others, and practice embracing myself more deeply. Whether you choose to take a social media break or not, be sure to practice healthy boundaries with your screen time (i.e.: minimize the time scroll daily, designate “unplugged hours”, edit your follow list to include positive accounts and unfollow those who may trigger negative thoughts).
Be the Best Version of You
When you focus on what other people have that you don’t, you give away your power. Take back your power and use your energy to focus on you and creating the life you desire.
There is one thing that you’re better at than any other person on the planet, and that’s being you. This is the only game you can always win. When you start with this mindset your focus and energy shifts to what you’re capable of and how you can magnify your greatness.
Life becomes about being a better version of you, and your effort and energy go toward upgrading your personal processes every day, not worrying about how others are faring. You become happier, free from false comparisons and focused on the goodness of your life.
“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”
I am a Life Coach, and work with smart individuals who are currently feeling overwhelmed or stuck. I help them get crystal clear on what they want, breakthrough barriers and follow through on designing the life they deeply desire. Click here to book a free clarity call to explore what it’s like to work with a Life Coach, and take exciting transformative action towards joy and alignment in your life.